haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
