Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
