I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
