so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there's paper in my vomit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
