The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
PANTIES FOUND
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
