just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
