i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
