his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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