This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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