Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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