Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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