We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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