it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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