Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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