wanna go halves on a baby?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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