If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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