I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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