She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
