shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
