Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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