Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there's paper in my vomit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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