I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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