it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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