Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
