i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
