you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
