Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
