shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
