I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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