Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
