i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
