At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
