Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
