watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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