if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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