I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
