So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
