did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
this hospital has no fireball
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
