I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
