i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
