Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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