So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
