hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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