OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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