:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
