apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
