For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
