I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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