at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
