I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
