we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
