4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
